Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Maternity Leave

My maternity leave officially ends in 2 more days. I am sad, excited, nervous, wrought with fear, anxious and jumping out of my skin all at the same time.

This maternity leave has meant so much to me. Not only did I give birth and nurture an amazingly gorgeous little girl for 8 weeks, but I also got to be so much more of a mom to Luke. I got to bring him to school every morning...with no need for before care. I got to pick him up from school everyday at regular pick up time, do homework with him, study with him and basically spend 3 - 4 hours a day with him more than what I normally ever was able to spend since I was on maternity leave for his birth.

I was able to get to know my son on a deeper level. Share more jokes. Relax more with him. Be the mom to him that all of us working moms dream that we can be even though we accept that we never can and never will.

It was exhausting. Maternity leave for Luke was filled with getting out of our 1 bedroom apartment and going for walks, shopping, meeting up with people for lunch. Maternity leave for Shelby actually revolved much less around Shelby. We got out of the house for brother's football games and practices but now with a 2000 square ft house to keep clean, the husband and the son - my days really revolved around chores, chores and more chores.

In fact, I've learned to do chores so slowly and lackadaisically now, that I fear the first few weeks of returning to work, my house will begin to house rats and other kinds of vermin. I have no idea how to rush, hurry, bust ass anymore like I used to and I'm a bit worried about that since that is the personality trait that I admire most in myself.

So this time next week, I'll be at work, making money and rushing home with kids in tow after it's already dark outside. Eating pizza rolls and folding laundry while carrying Shelby in a Baby Bjorn to multi task. I'm just ready to get there...this waiting for next week to finally happen kind of sucks. I want to just jump in and get a schedule and prove myself to myself again...and get that so desperately needed paycheck.

So thank you, Shelby. Thank you for the privelage and the honor to just be your mother. But thank you also for giving me the privelage and the honor to have more time with your brother. I love you both so very much, but mommy has to go kick some ass at work so that you can grow up knowing that you can be whatever it is in this world that you want to be, and so that brother will choose a woman who gets off her ass and doesn't expect hand outs.