I had so many plans for the day. I was going to go into work to work on my personal taxes, and then read my school textbook and then solve world hunger and then...I just got lazy. Super lazy and now I'm being so lazy that I can hardly imagine how I found the get up and go to check and see how the Internet is doing.
I had a hella week at work. I have one employee that I kick myself in the ass daily for even hiring, who has been more than a handful for over a year now. She's one of those people who crave drama - who need constant drama in order to feel alive or some shit like that.
This week, she made 3 extremely good attempts at creating her needed drama with me and I am proud to say that I was able to thwart all 3 of her attempts. A year ago, I would have buckled and turned to mush and would be spending my weekend fretting over the upcoming investigation into my management style that would be sure to come on Monday and the resulting yelling festival I would receive from our President in which I would be stomped on until I cried for allowing her to win again.
But, with all her problems and headaches and drama, she has actually been a serious blessing to me in this way - I don't take shit anymore. She's made me wise or at least wiser. She's made me cautious of what I say and do as a manager. She's taught me how to remain calm and put personal feelings to the side. She's also taught me how to beat her at her own game...and I thank her for that.
On day 3 of her bullshit, I marched into my boss' office for the 3rd time and told him her shit that she was trying to create with me. But this time, before I left, I demanded that he step in, rather than throwing me under the bus as he normally does. And so, by the end of Friday, thanks to my craftiness in dealing with her, my boss deciding not to be a pansy, and a wonderful Human Resources lady - she was squashed and I even got to sit back and listen to her...apologize. Yes, apologize. Not only did she apologize, but now she thinks that MY boss is the bad guy and that I am her ally. Life is good.
Stupid bitch. Never underestimate me. I may seem weak and easy - but I was raised by the Bitch of the South and I can and I will be one step ahead of you.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
Not sure what to think
Today is 5dpo - IF I ovulated and IF I got my days correct...those two IF's are bigger deals for me than more normal women.
I know that it is generally WAY too early for me to feel anything and that Clomid can play tricky little games on you in the wait - but I feel like general shit.
Seriously. I'm starving and yet can't think of anything I want to eat. I keep spacing out and just staring off into space - I'm belching like a fat sailor and I keep getting dizzy this afternoon.
ALLLLL of those can be attributed to Clomid, so I refuse to get excited. However, me and the sofa have a date tonight - and a 6 inch catfish poboy...me and the sofa and the poboy plan to have a lovely evening.
I know that it is generally WAY too early for me to feel anything and that Clomid can play tricky little games on you in the wait - but I feel like general shit.
Seriously. I'm starving and yet can't think of anything I want to eat. I keep spacing out and just staring off into space - I'm belching like a fat sailor and I keep getting dizzy this afternoon.
ALLLLL of those can be attributed to Clomid, so I refuse to get excited. However, me and the sofa have a date tonight - and a 6 inch catfish poboy...me and the sofa and the poboy plan to have a lovely evening.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Snezhanka
So as Room Mother, one of my duties that I knew about, and actually agreed to, was to prepare Luke's class' dish for Global Awareness Day. I have no say in the actual dish that is prepared; I must just do what I am told.
They sent home the recipe in his folder tonight. I have to make Snezhanka. Their country is Bulgaria. Without needing to Google it, I can assure you that Snezhanka is the closest substance to vomit that I have seen...like...ever.
It's a cucumber nastiness that involves squeezing out the juice from cucumbers and mixing it with yogurt (or yoghurt, as the recipe calls it).
Vomit.
Blech.
After much research, I've found about 9 other simple Bulgarian recipes that may actually be edible.
I'm debating fighting this. Even the recipe makes me gag for this shit.
Speaking of gagging, I'm 3dpo. WOO HOO!
And at this time I must give a huge shoutout to http://docgrumbles.wordpress.com/ and wish her the very bestest wishes that I can on a safe and healthy delivery of her baby girl.
They sent home the recipe in his folder tonight. I have to make Snezhanka. Their country is Bulgaria. Without needing to Google it, I can assure you that Snezhanka is the closest substance to vomit that I have seen...like...ever.
It's a cucumber nastiness that involves squeezing out the juice from cucumbers and mixing it with yogurt (or yoghurt, as the recipe calls it).
Vomit.
Blech.
After much research, I've found about 9 other simple Bulgarian recipes that may actually be edible.
I'm debating fighting this. Even the recipe makes me gag for this shit.
Speaking of gagging, I'm 3dpo. WOO HOO!
And at this time I must give a huge shoutout to http://docgrumbles.wordpress.com/ and wish her the very bestest wishes that I can on a safe and healthy delivery of her baby girl.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Weird chic
Tonight some of the playground moms were getting together at a local bar to get out of the house while our men and boys watched the BCS Championship game at home. Since the moment I got off of work, I was formulating excuses to get out of it. I'm not a big fan of bars, especially sports bars during a major football game and I'm not a really chit chatty human at all. "Girls night out" never thrilled me.
At about 6:20pm, I finally gave in and decided that I had to go and I went. There was a woman there that I had never met before. She was somehow a second cousing twice removed or something of another friend there. She also had an 8 year old son, so we all got into to talking pretty easily.
Her mother had just died via suicide two days before Christmas so much of the conversation began to center around topics of a spiritual nature...she obviously needed comforting and we were more than happy to oblige for this friendly new friend we had just acquired.
While talking, my friend asked me quietly to the side if I had ovulated yet this month. She spent 4 years and 4 miscarriages trying to have a second child so she shares a similar pain and is always interested in my journey. As soon as she asked me, new stranger friend gasped and said, "OH MY GOD YOU'RE TRYING TO HAVE A BABY?!?!?!" I was like, um, yeah, while secretly plotting my escape from this sudden turn of events that had placed me at the center of the conversation.
She rushed over to me and started saying, "I swear that I have never ever ever done anything like this in my life and I swear I'm not drunk, I swear I'm not crazy, but I just absolutely HAVE to touch you."
So...she did. She made me stand up and right there, in the middle of the bar I had a woman that I had never met in my life take my hands and pray...out loud...a prayer for conception this cycle.
Um.
Yeah.
I wasn't sure if I should be happy, or if I should run away screaming, "STRANGER DANGER".
She then sat next to me and spent the next half hour telling me that she has always believed that when one dies, another is born. Since her mother just died, she thought she would get pregnant this month even though she wasn't trying, and her period had just started and at the very second that my friend mentioned me trying to make a baby, she just knew that her mom was telling her, "HER, IT'S HER" and that she just had to touch me.
Um.
Yeah.
So, here I am a few hours later mulling these events over in my head. Half of me thinks she's the weirdest woman on earth and should be hospitalized or at the very least, medicated heavily.
The other half of me is touched by the love and warmth that this total stranger showed me tonight and can't help but think of the stranger man in church years ago who told me that I would become a mother in the year 2000 only 2 months before I tested positive for Luke and at that time I thought that HE was a wacko too.
Anyway, so that's it - I'm not sure what to think about it right now, but it happened and it is what it is, or whatever you perceive it to be.
But I swear, if I conceive this month, I swear I will fall to my knees and believe that some strange prophetic person came to me in that bar the same way that one came to me in church in January of 2000.
At about 6:20pm, I finally gave in and decided that I had to go and I went. There was a woman there that I had never met before. She was somehow a second cousing twice removed or something of another friend there. She also had an 8 year old son, so we all got into to talking pretty easily.
Her mother had just died via suicide two days before Christmas so much of the conversation began to center around topics of a spiritual nature...she obviously needed comforting and we were more than happy to oblige for this friendly new friend we had just acquired.
While talking, my friend asked me quietly to the side if I had ovulated yet this month. She spent 4 years and 4 miscarriages trying to have a second child so she shares a similar pain and is always interested in my journey. As soon as she asked me, new stranger friend gasped and said, "OH MY GOD YOU'RE TRYING TO HAVE A BABY?!?!?!" I was like, um, yeah, while secretly plotting my escape from this sudden turn of events that had placed me at the center of the conversation.
She rushed over to me and started saying, "I swear that I have never ever ever done anything like this in my life and I swear I'm not drunk, I swear I'm not crazy, but I just absolutely HAVE to touch you."
So...she did. She made me stand up and right there, in the middle of the bar I had a woman that I had never met in my life take my hands and pray...out loud...a prayer for conception this cycle.
Um.
Yeah.
I wasn't sure if I should be happy, or if I should run away screaming, "STRANGER DANGER".
She then sat next to me and spent the next half hour telling me that she has always believed that when one dies, another is born. Since her mother just died, she thought she would get pregnant this month even though she wasn't trying, and her period had just started and at the very second that my friend mentioned me trying to make a baby, she just knew that her mom was telling her, "HER, IT'S HER" and that she just had to touch me.
Um.
Yeah.
So, here I am a few hours later mulling these events over in my head. Half of me thinks she's the weirdest woman on earth and should be hospitalized or at the very least, medicated heavily.
The other half of me is touched by the love and warmth that this total stranger showed me tonight and can't help but think of the stranger man in church years ago who told me that I would become a mother in the year 2000 only 2 months before I tested positive for Luke and at that time I thought that HE was a wacko too.
Anyway, so that's it - I'm not sure what to think about it right now, but it happened and it is what it is, or whatever you perceive it to be.
But I swear, if I conceive this month, I swear I will fall to my knees and believe that some strange prophetic person came to me in that bar the same way that one came to me in church in January of 2000.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Love
Random things I love:
Sleeping late with nothing to do to make me have to get out of bed at a certain time.
The scent of a baby's breath right after they eat.
When my son wants to sleep in my bed - which is getting increasingly less and less every year.
Anything to do with pleasant solicited touch - pedicures, facials, massages, spur of the moment hair brushing from Ziggy.
A clean house and washed sheets.
A pat on the back at work (VERY rare).
A long drive completely alone with no one but my ipod.
The sound of waves and seagulls.
Elastic waist bands.
And finally on the list of random love that is surely not all inclusive - just what's in my head now - the dull constant ache of my ovaries responding to Clomid properly.
Yep, they are and that's all I'll say, lest I jinx anything that may or may not be occurring within those ovaries.
Sleeping late with nothing to do to make me have to get out of bed at a certain time.
The scent of a baby's breath right after they eat.
When my son wants to sleep in my bed - which is getting increasingly less and less every year.
Anything to do with pleasant solicited touch - pedicures, facials, massages, spur of the moment hair brushing from Ziggy.
A clean house and washed sheets.
A pat on the back at work (VERY rare).
A long drive completely alone with no one but my ipod.
The sound of waves and seagulls.
Elastic waist bands.
And finally on the list of random love that is surely not all inclusive - just what's in my head now - the dull constant ache of my ovaries responding to Clomid properly.
Yep, they are and that's all I'll say, lest I jinx anything that may or may not be occurring within those ovaries.
Friday, January 2, 2009
The bearded lady
Most women don't need to fret over the maintenance of their beards, right? There are about 999 possible symptoms of PCOS - one of which is facial hair. Of course, out of all possible 999 symptoms - this is my symptom of which I struggle with the most.
I don't just have a stray chin hair or two - I have a full grown 14 year old boy's beard if I allow it grow more than a week.
I've thought about the laser thing many times, but once you actually contemplate the steps of it - it's not all that great. For about $3,000 I could possibly have a 60% reduction in the hair - maybe - not guaranteed. And the procedure is painful and stretches over months of dealing with sunburned skin, peeling and not being able to remove any hair in between sessions. I'd have to take a 3 month leave from work to do it.
So I have many methods of removing this hair because one method does not work on all areas. The underneath of my chin - like the underchin/throat area MUST be literally shaved daily. This is my worst area. It's very thick and very stubbly and without a daily shave, it's extremely noticable.
The cheeks and side burns get a depilatory every 2 - 3 days and then there is the constant plucking of the strays - constant plucking.
This is by far the most embarrasing part of my life. I began removing the hair at the age of 18 when a kid in the camp that I was a counselor for asked me why I was growing a beard. Maybe that's why I hate all kids except my own.
So this is my cross to bear. It's my burden, my crap hand I was dealt in life that I just need to deal with on a daily basis and I do. And I thank God so much and so often that he's blessed me with a very understanding husband. Many men I'm sure would shy away from the bearded lady, but my husband is quite the contrary. He'll sit and talk razors with me, and help me pluck the ingrowns that I occasionally get and he's never not for one single second made me feel ugly or less of a woman because of my beard.
I have no idea on earth what compelled me to share this. Maybe some young girl just beginning her own bearded lady struggle will stumble upon this entry one day and it'll bless her - or maybe you can all sit around and have a good laugh at my expense.
Either way, as I sat before the blank screen trying to think of what to post about why fiddling with a really bad ingrown hair under my chin, it popped in my head that I should share this. And that's it - I am the bearded lady.
I don't just have a stray chin hair or two - I have a full grown 14 year old boy's beard if I allow it grow more than a week.
I've thought about the laser thing many times, but once you actually contemplate the steps of it - it's not all that great. For about $3,000 I could possibly have a 60% reduction in the hair - maybe - not guaranteed. And the procedure is painful and stretches over months of dealing with sunburned skin, peeling and not being able to remove any hair in between sessions. I'd have to take a 3 month leave from work to do it.
So I have many methods of removing this hair because one method does not work on all areas. The underneath of my chin - like the underchin/throat area MUST be literally shaved daily. This is my worst area. It's very thick and very stubbly and without a daily shave, it's extremely noticable.
The cheeks and side burns get a depilatory every 2 - 3 days and then there is the constant plucking of the strays - constant plucking.
This is by far the most embarrasing part of my life. I began removing the hair at the age of 18 when a kid in the camp that I was a counselor for asked me why I was growing a beard. Maybe that's why I hate all kids except my own.
So this is my cross to bear. It's my burden, my crap hand I was dealt in life that I just need to deal with on a daily basis and I do. And I thank God so much and so often that he's blessed me with a very understanding husband. Many men I'm sure would shy away from the bearded lady, but my husband is quite the contrary. He'll sit and talk razors with me, and help me pluck the ingrowns that I occasionally get and he's never not for one single second made me feel ugly or less of a woman because of my beard.
I have no idea on earth what compelled me to share this. Maybe some young girl just beginning her own bearded lady struggle will stumble upon this entry one day and it'll bless her - or maybe you can all sit around and have a good laugh at my expense.
Either way, as I sat before the blank screen trying to think of what to post about why fiddling with a really bad ingrown hair under my chin, it popped in my head that I should share this. And that's it - I am the bearded lady.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
How am I still functioning???
I'm currently in that type of exhaustion where I absolutely must keep moving. If I stop and sit, even for a minute, I may crash and be unable to move for 20 hours straight.
I worked all day on New Year's Eve and even worked almost 2 hours past when our office officially closed for the day. Our entire system for our department crashed and since it was end of month, we had no choice but to stay until everything was fixed and we could finish our jobs.
Then I came home and from 6:00pm until almost 3:00am, I literally did not sit down...not one single time. I was setting up for party, being hostess, supervising kids with fireworks, settling down my son and his friend who slept over and caring for a jackass husband who has a pretty gnarly firework burn on his hand.
Then I was up at 7:30am to make breakfast for the boys, feed husband, clean up from party and do general chores. Then I realized that I absolutely couldn't crash yet, so I decided to take down all of the Christmas decorations inside and outside, cut the grass on the front lawn and then I folded 3 loads of clothes.
I'm like in auto pilot and have no clue how I haven't collapsed yet. The boys will need lunch soon, so I know that I can't crash yet...not yet. Husband is FINALLY waking up from his nice 10 hour night of sleep (BASTARD). Once he gets up and gets moving...I think that'll be it - I don't think I can make it much longer.
Son's friend called his dad and begged his dad to let him stay until tonight - like 10:00pm - kid's dad said yes! Oh God - that means lunch and dinner for both boys and 9 more hours of argument control (8 year boys argue - ALOT). While I'm exhausted from it, having the kid here is nice and Luke is having so much freakin fun.
OK, now I'm just rambling. HAPPY NEW YEAR to all! My resolution? Well, for now, my resolution is to sleep and then sleep and then sleep a little more...soon...eventually.
I worked all day on New Year's Eve and even worked almost 2 hours past when our office officially closed for the day. Our entire system for our department crashed and since it was end of month, we had no choice but to stay until everything was fixed and we could finish our jobs.
Then I came home and from 6:00pm until almost 3:00am, I literally did not sit down...not one single time. I was setting up for party, being hostess, supervising kids with fireworks, settling down my son and his friend who slept over and caring for a jackass husband who has a pretty gnarly firework burn on his hand.
Then I was up at 7:30am to make breakfast for the boys, feed husband, clean up from party and do general chores. Then I realized that I absolutely couldn't crash yet, so I decided to take down all of the Christmas decorations inside and outside, cut the grass on the front lawn and then I folded 3 loads of clothes.
I'm like in auto pilot and have no clue how I haven't collapsed yet. The boys will need lunch soon, so I know that I can't crash yet...not yet. Husband is FINALLY waking up from his nice 10 hour night of sleep (BASTARD). Once he gets up and gets moving...I think that'll be it - I don't think I can make it much longer.
Son's friend called his dad and begged his dad to let him stay until tonight - like 10:00pm - kid's dad said yes! Oh God - that means lunch and dinner for both boys and 9 more hours of argument control (8 year boys argue - ALOT). While I'm exhausted from it, having the kid here is nice and Luke is having so much freakin fun.
OK, now I'm just rambling. HAPPY NEW YEAR to all! My resolution? Well, for now, my resolution is to sleep and then sleep and then sleep a little more...soon...eventually.
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