Vagina

Well, it's official folks, we have a vagina. Well, "we" meaning me and the fetus. You may or may not have a vagina, so I don't want to assume anything.

She finally raised her ass above the placenta for us today and showed us her girlie bits. We were happy and shocked and just so god damned relieved to know what it is. Since ultrasounds are so good these days, you would be shocked if you went to a baby store and actually tried to purchase one full gender neutral outfit - it's nearly impossible.

Her name is Shelby and that is her real name. I share it with you since I love you. I don't know why I worry over this anonymity online thing since Shelby and Luke are real names - Ziggy is not - that's a nickname, but oh well.

I had planned to post tonight about my husband's 3 and 1/2 year sobriety anniversary. And I still will try to do that tomorrow night, because there was a lot of healing things I needed to get out - more for me than for you, but you know - it is MY blog after all.

The vagina thing blew all other news and stories out the water. So how are we doing with the news? Well, we're almost in awe.

My parents had 3 girls between them. Between us 3 girls, there are 5 grandSONS. No one has had a girl in this family in 31 years. So this girl is anxiously anticipated. Sister # 1 (the one closest in age to me with the twins) expressed sincere excitement and happiness for me and for us and for the family in general. While she may long for a girl, we both know that at 35 and with twins, her baby making days are probably over and she's ok with that and just happy at the chance to have a baby girl around either way.

Sister # 2 (the eldest who lives in Miami with 2 sons) didn't seem too jazzed. If anything, I almost detected a bit of jealousy in her - as if her have two boys is any more my fault than me about to have a girl. She's the girliest of us all and would probably be the best at raising a girl, whereas I will most definitely be the worst!

Mom and dad were both thrilled. Dad seemed a bit nervous and has decided not to meet her until her Christening (he lives states away), but dad is dad and I'm fine with that. Mom is crossing her t's and dotting her i's and probably sending out shower invites as we speak, god bless her.

Auntie M was by far THE MOST excited of us all. She has no kids and so she dotes on our kids as much as she doted on us and I swear she's been saying daily novenas for one last chance to buy dresses and tap shoes.

Ziggy's sister, the godmother, seemed honestly excited. All I got from his mother was an emailed "yahoo". Just like that. Not even in caps or with an exclamation point. Fuck her - that's a whole other blog to talk about her nonsense lately. Long story short though - apparently middle child syndrome carries on to the middle child grandbabies even though they are the first grandbabies.

And then there is Ziggy. He spent the walk to the car and the drive back to work kind of in a daze. I was worried that he was upset, so I kept talking about how much daughters love their daddies and blah blah blah. He wasn't upset at all. It turns out that despite my growing belly, despite the furniture, despite the ultrasounds, none of it had become real until that moment when he learned that he had a daughter. He was just in shock of it all.

After work Ziggy and I went to Babies R Us to scan pink and purple items that were left off the registry thus far - towels, burp cloths, blankets, bibs, etc. We picked out a couple of sleepers and onesies - the basic staples that you need regardless of how many you're blessed with at a shower. Then we made our way to the little sundresses section. We picked out 2 sundresses that we both loved and then we came home and just sat in awe for a little while at what we'd done.

It's as if I have no other child and the wonder of it all is on us like scared 20 year olds. I'm seasoned. I know all this junk and yet, I'm scared shitless. Being a basic tomboy most of my life, femininity was something I always had to work VERY hard on - it never came natural and it still doesn't. I can't style my own hair let alone a toddler's. It's so scary, and while my god, I am so blessed to be able to raise one of each gender, this gender in particular has me petrified.

So that's the news. Sorry this post isn't funny or poetic - just informational is all. I'll be back sooner than later - promise.