The Road to Skinny

I will be beginning the HCG diet this weekend on Saturday. I don't really care about your opinion on the diet, no offense. I understand that tons of people are against it or think that it is a fad diet that will never work. I've researched every pro and con that there is over several months now and I plan to do it. I'm going to really really attempt to log my journey here. My reason for trying it is that I've tried EVERYTHING else short of surgery that I'm not "fat enough" to have.

I've been the chubby girl since 4th grade. I have never ever been at a normal weight range for longer than 1 full year at a time. The only times that I've achieved a normal weight range have been through incredibly difficult diets that I could never maintain. I've obsessed over my weight for decades now. I have never been fat. I've just always been chubby. I have very small bones and a small frame so being chubby is very unattractive on me. I'm not supposed to be chubby and no other woman in my family is chubby - they are all built like me...but thin.

So here goes. My HCG is on it's way. I have my menu for week 1 plotted out. I have my shopping list for approved personal care items - I am ready!

If this doesn't work, it'll just be another attempt to throw in with all of the other failed attempts. Nothing major will be lost. But what if? What if it works? What if it works long term? What if? That what if is important enough for me to try it.

And for those who say that if I just ate right and exercised I'd be thin...those people can suck me because pshaw, I've tried that. Jesus I've tried it all.

I came to this place very unwillingly. Last Spring I very healthfully lost 25lbs and came within 5 lbs of being in that holy grail "normal" range. October came and 1 small tragedy after another happened and then winter with it's illnesses and blah-ness and here I am - I've gained back almost all 25 of the pounds that I lost.

I am a yo yo dieter. I am faithful to a diet plan and very self controlled and yet it still happens every time where the damn weight comes right back. Accept that my body wants to be 180lbs? NEVER. I will never accept that.

I need to get this under control before Shelby is old enough to catch on to her mother's psychosis on weight.

So anywho - sorry for the rant. I'm going fast because I'm at work on a break so that's probably why my thoughts seem jumbled and raving mad. I'll update on Saturday morning with a start weight and do my best to welcome you along on this journey.