Itchy Twat

I was commenting this story briefly on another blog and I guessed it was blog worthy enough...plus I have a spare minute to type so here we go.

My twinkie itches.

No, I mean, it ITCHES. If I were able to, I would totally de-pants and sit and just scratch every inch of the outer and inter labia until I bled - that's how bad it itches. It's the worst itch of my life.

The doctor has now checked it twice - no yeast infection and no vaginitis. Nothing to be found. She's looked and poked and pulled and tested - nothing. Her theory? I have a form of diaper rash - probably from so much peeing. Fabulous.

See, when I was young I was inflicted with horrible massive bladder infections. When I was four I had surgery on my bladder and I've had a urologist who has known me for almost 30 years. My file is like A - F of the Encyclopedias, it's that big.

My uroligist saw me more up until I was 20 than the dentist and the pediatrician combined. He most recently saw me for my kidney stones that have come and gone 4 FUN times since I was pregnant with Luke.

So a long time ago I learned to drip dry. My urologist felt that women wiping after urinating was counter productive as it forces bad things back where they were trying to escape (that's how it was explained to me at age 4). So I'm a notorious drip dryer.

Well, at night, since I'm getting up to pee 4 - 6 times a night and I'm half asleep while doing it, I'm not drip drying properly and I'm pulling back up Ziggy's boxers and heading into bed with damp twinkie and then getting under covers until the next pee.

So, it's like a diaper rash from not drying enough and then heading to bed over and over again all night. Now you may say, "why not just wipe?" Well, let's see, I'm 31 and I learned to drip dry at 4 and it's between 11:00pm and 5:00am in the morning. Can you unlearn a 27 year old habit at that time of morning? I didn't think so.

I got some glorious cream and voila - the twinkie is soothed and pleasantly resting. I also got a no sex coupon good for two whole weeks which is bonus because the second trimester desires came and went...QUICKLY.

SCORE!

This weekend I was babysitting the twins with my mom and after their bath while dressing them, I reached for their prescription diaper rash cream and lo and behold - it's the same dang cream...Nystatin. Woo Hoo! Nanny and the twins have the same diaper rash cream - we're cool and you drool.

Wait a minute...I guess that's not so cool, right?

Oh and YES I've read the common uses for Nystatin and I don't have ringworm so screw off. It's diaper rash and there's no shame in that and as long as I'm not contemplating a brillo pad down there to ease the itch, I'm happy whatever the cream is.

On a total side note, this makes me wonder - does diaper rash actually itch a poor baby more than it actually burns? I wonder.