Dreams

I've spent much time analyzing my dreams from day one of this pregnancy due to their psychic abilities with my pregnancy with Luke.

I wrote down ALL of my dreams during Luke's pregnancy in a pregnancy dream journal that my eccentric astrology loving sister gave me (notice the difference in free time between a new mom and a mom of one already). Yes, I had time for all that bananas and journaling...I even did it with a pen instead of a computer!! Egads!

A recurring theme in almost ALL of those dreams was the color blue. There would be black and white dreams about everything under the sun, but with a startling blue car or blue shirt or blue hair. Blue was everywhere and it stood out in every dream.

For this baby, the colors are totally telling me zilch. Of all of my pregnancy dreams thus far, there is only one common theme and it's an intensely odd theme...ex lovers.

I call them ex lovers only because that sounds more exotic and makes me sound like an experienced lady of the night...which is so far from the truth. I've loved almost everyone I've ever banged except for that one dude, Jeremy, who had a fantasy of screwing to monk chanting music...we did it once and I never went back for seconds.

So back to the dreams. They are all about ex boyfriends or ex crushes or ex lovahs. Every single one of them...men that I haven't thought of in years...decades even. Men that I may not recognize if I passed them on the street.

But one by one, every single one of them is popping back up in my own little night dramas. What does this mean? I'm perplexed by it since my dreams for Luke were so amazingly telling.

Last night was the Iraq soldier from my church who I communicated with online for his entire Iraq stint, professed my love and adoration to, and was crushed when he returned to just think of me as a friend.

Monday night was the grade school crush that I had flings with off and on over the years. He broke my heart at least 3 times and I in turn broke his at least 3 times. But for almost 15 years we passed in and out of each other's lives in intense passion and love (don't laugh...I mean that...of course he is also the guy that I'm almost positive that I got the common and popular little STD from which I will not name)

And YES, I had an STD - it was very common and I caught it early and had it taken care of so shut up, I've probably still been less of a hussy than you...I just got a bum deal from my limited hussiness.

Sunday night was my ex husband, and the dream was uneventful, sort of like the marriage itself.

Saturday night was the guy with the hugest schlong I ever encountered that I dated for almost a year - a weenie so huge that oral sex was near impossible, but I so loved him anyway because he was a redneck who called me "darlin". Oddly enough, he was really small and short...the weenie was a total shock on that guy.

Last week was the total opposite...the little Cuban dude with the teensy tinsy weenie that I actually almost married and who would fuss at me not to hold his weenie between my index and thumb fingers because it made it look smaller. BWAHAHAHAHA - as if my fingers were needed to accentuate its smallness.

None of the dreams are sexual though, mind you, I just seem to catagorize my men by the size and shape of their birds, I suppose. Never really thought about that until I realized that I described almost every guy by his penis.

Usually the dreams are just about me being single again and trying to win their hearts or us being in a relationship again. Or just the day to day life of what it was to be with them.

Very strange. I'm almost excited to go to sleep and see which old beau I will bump into tonight.

I've searched for the color pink or blue - nothing. Just a steady stream of ex boyfriends all lining up and waiting for their turn to capture my memories and remind me of their existence.

So what do you think? I'm crazy? I need to mount my husband to rid myself of obvious sexual frustration (um, no, I'm not in the mood AT ALL)?

And don't think that I love my husband less. I'm madly in love with Ziggy even though he's a jackass on most days. I wouldn't trade him for anyone that I've passed in my dreams.



I just don't get it.