Plus sized bitch

I went on a dreadful mission tonight. I hate clothes shopping on a normal size 6 kind of day. I always have. Having to go buy an outfit is always a horrific gut wrenching experience and I'm not just being a drama queen - I really hate it.

Tack on a few rolls and a 2nd trimester belly and my trip to Motherhood required the support of my husband this evening. I found out this morning that my future SIL's wedding shower is a dressy affair. SHIT! I only have maternity pants and jeans and capris so far. Definitely no skirts or dresses.

So the emergency trip to Motherhood began. After 5 trips into the dressing room and a very uncomfortable husband who had no idea that nursing bras existed, but was fascinated by their engineering - I finally settled on a decent enough skirt/blouse combo to take me through whatever showers and tea and crumpet affairs I may have in the next few months.

While waiting at the register, I saw the most fabulous underwear on earth. I wanted them. I needed them. They were so soft and stretchy. I looked at the size and absent mindedly said, "oooh one size fits all" out loud.

The skinny bitch at the register then said VERY loudly so the whole store could hear, "oh mam, the plus size ones are in that back section there."

AHEM.

I SAID AHEM!!

Are you fucking kidding me? Plus size? No, really?

Look you skinny twig whom I could crack over my apparant ham hock thighs, let me clue you in on something hun. I may not be a "cute" pregnant gal. I may already be in an XL shirt because of my normally bulging D's that are already busting out of DD cups. I may be swollen already and look about 6 - 8 weeks more pregnant than I should at this point, but my flat ass and my non existent thighs are still wearing size 6 underwear so you can suck my husband's nuts.

No I didn't say that. I didn't even think it. What I did say was nothing. What I did do is slowly put the package back and crumble inwardly in self loathing and embarrassment and was actually even embarrassed in front of my own husband...the man that I just farted LOUDLY at in the car.

So a slice of Sbarro's and a new pair of shoes later and I'm feeling fine, but dang, I still want to smack the ho.