What happened to respecting your elders....

In which I introduce you to my sister, Scarlett O'Hara. I have two sisters - one of them is the one I introduce you to today. The other is Jackie Joyner-Kersee whose impressive speed with which she ran away from her family years ago could set records (but she's fairly normal lately, so you may not hear of her much since normal = boring in our family).

My older sister, 3 years my senior, and the mother of my twin nephews is one of the largest bitches on earth. No. That's for true. She's the type of human that I could despise, loathe and detest if I weren't a blood relation.

My sister has hated my mother and I as much as she has loved us since the time she was a teenager. While my mom and I were rockin out to Friday night videos, eating popcorn and drinking cokes, my sister was in her room with cucumbers on her eyes a beauty mask on her face and thoughts of escape on her mind. Think of Goldie Hawn pre-bump-on-head in Overboard...now you are getting close.

We are trash to her. We are common and we embarrass her. We always knew that she would marry "well". Marrying well would be her ticket out and away from my mom's standard black Ford Escort and her permed hair and hooped earrings and her cigarettes and her foul mouth.

And so she did - she "escaped" and managed to marry up in her eyes - into a marriage with a man as judgmental as she is and she has earned in laws who were just as trash as we were until striking oil on a plot of land made them wealthy and forgetful of their roots.

I'll give you two examples to get them off of my chest and then I will hopefully be able to let the anger go for another day and maybe this will give you a taste of sweet Scarlett.

1.) The twins are 6 weeks old and NO ONE from Scarlett O'Hara's side of the family has received photos yet. I was able to swipe and email to myself one batch from the first day that they were born, but beyond that no one has received a single photo. We know for a fact that her husband emails photos out regularly, at least weekly, and we are never included on the emails. We know for a fact that one friend of Scarlett's gave her a photo of Scarlett holding the two boys in the hospital in a lovely frame...now where could she have gotten such a photo? And it is not that we haven't asked. My mother has asked for a picture to show her friends at work and at church for weeks since she doesn't have a computer, and she has not gotten a single shot. And don't tell me it's because Scarlett is too busy, because precious girl only goes to the hospital for about 2 hours a day lately.

2.) My mother went at lunch today to see the boys and possibly hold one. My sister called her when she was in the parking lot and told my mother, "make sure you finish that cigarette well before you come in because my children can smell it on you and it's disgusting". Oh god help me from killing her. This is OUR MOTHER, you bitch!

My mom smokes and she curses and she listens to music like Ratt and Kiss and god dammit just leave her alone. That woman knew a tougher life than most of us will ever know. She's in extremely great shape and very healthy and if a cigarette calms her nerves before seeing YOU, you bitch, then leave her alone. At least she's not a gambler like your husband...oh did I say that? Woops. Sorry.

Does my mother aggravate me? Sure as shoot she does. But I love her and respect her and would give her a roof over her head and treat her well until the day I die because I remember what my sister has forgotten - I remember my mom cleaning houses on the side to afford our private schooling and I remember her being there when my precious Luke was born and my post partum depression couldn't even slack off enough for me to look at him for the first few days. It was my mother who pulled me out of those dark days and introduced me to the most precious boy on earth.

Anyway, I wanted to introduce you to Scarlett, because you may hear of her often, particularly with the birth of these babies that my mother and I have to practically beg to be a part of their lives.

Oh and I GOT INTERNET!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My boss finally broke down and gave me one of the spare wireless cards that he had that they were paying for anyway and was just sitting going to waste and now it's mine and now I have fabulous Internet without having to pay a dime for it. God is good.