Kill me now....

Voicemail from Auntee M:

"Hello Sandy, this is your favorite Aunt. Please call me back when you have at least 5 minutes to talk to me because I have 3 very important questions to ask you."

Oh God, please - kill me now.

I called back (after 2 hours of convincing myself that I absolutely had to and couldn't pretend that I didn't get the voicemail, because then she would just call again).

Note to sister - I partially loathe you for birthing preemie twins and forcing the crazy family members out of their caves and thrusting them upon the rest of us.

So, here it is:

Question 1: "How come every time I call your sister's cell phone, her husband answers? Does she hate me for some reason that I don't know about and doesn't want to talk to me? Why can't I ever talk to HER?"

(note that question 1 involved 3 questions)

Response 1: "No, Auntee M, that's how it is with everyone now. Since she was on bed rest my sister has become incapable of managing any task without her husband's approval/assistance and therefore can not answer her own cell phone anymore, and this causes nasty thoughts on the part of her sisters and her mother as well. She has given her husband complete control of her life and tries to allow him to control ours also and if it wasn't for the tiny babies that we all love, we wouldn't put up with such bull shit."

Question 2: "Are you mad at me, because I saw that you kept giving me nasty looks at the shower."

Ah...now this one is tough and will involve a Response 2 that existed only in my head and a Response 2 that actually occurred.

Response 2 (in my head): "It's not that I'm mad at you, I just don't like you. You are obnoxiously loud and you dominate every conversation you are in. You yacked and gabbed through the entire shower to a point where people couldn't hear themselves think. Your shrill voice hurts my ear drums and that face I was making was an attempt to close my ears off."

Response 2 (actual): "Noooooo, nothing was wrong with you. I just hate showers. I hated my own shower (truth) and I was just anxious for the whole thing to be over with. I was exhausted from the HOURS of Gustav clean up I had done that morning (truth) and was just ready to be done."

Question 3 was actually just asking what Luke wanted for his upcoming birthday, so it's not fun enough to continue.

I love my family.